Jesus is in My Boat-Part3

The Lord counseled me onto the path of recovery with the foundational truth that His ways and thoughts were higher than mine (Isaiah 55:9); therefore, I needed to concede that aspects of my illness were beyond what I could comprehend, at least at that time. Indeed Proverbs 3:5-6 further reinforced that truth: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean into your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.” Yes, God’s perfect ways were far beyond my ability to understand, and I could not trust my own assessment of the situation; rather, I needed to submit to His will and place all aspects of my well-being into the Lord’s hands.

Yet, every time I tried to bolster my faith with prayer and Bible study, it seemed a new complication would arise that increased my pain and physical inabilities. And so, I began to question: What was it the Lord wanted from me in this situation? What was the lesson I needed to learn? Would there ever be an end to this?

One sleepless night I reached the limit of what I thought I could bear. I found myself in the frame of mind the prophets Jonah and Elijah must have had— Jonah said, “O Lord, take, I beseech thee, my life from me; for it is better for me to die than live” (Jonah 4:3); and Elijah expressed it this way, “It is enough; now O Lord, take my life…” (1Kings 19:4). My own plea to the Lord was one of sheer desperation and hopelessness— I could foresee no good to come out of any of my suffering; nor did I have hope the pain would end. The Lord was silent.

The next morning, as a new day dawned, I was broken in my spirit and spent in my body. Looking back, it seems the Lord had allowed me to reach the end of myself— a place where I would fully surrender so that He could work everything for good:

More tomorrow…